So I don't know if you've seen it and if you haven't you need to check it out. Dave Chappelle tells a story about riding the bus and having a homeless guy next to him start jacking off. My deepest fear( other then being shot with a squirt gun by a hobo) is that happening to me.
Sometimes I take a later bus because I don't have class until 3:45. However when I take this bus it picks up kids who just got out of high school. The bus was already full and the student took up even more room. One of the kids ended up sitting next to me. No big deal. I just looked out the window and listened to my iPod. But out of the corner of my eye I can notice him doing something with his pants. I realize he's unblucking them, and my fear comes over me again. He sticks his hands down his pants, and I think to myself "there is no way this kid is gonna start wackin it next to me". And for a few moments I can tell he's movin stuff around (I know the motions). It takes me a minute but he slides his hand out and i realize he was just "adjusting". The rest of the ride I keep thinking "If he touches me with that hand I'mma punch him out". Thankfully he didn't and just talked with his friends the rest of the way. I'm so glad I keep hand sanitizer with me now....
Thursday, December 8, 2011
The Tunnell people
You know the stereotype that homeless people think the government are trying to listen in on their thought? There's some truth to that stereotype.
I sat there trying type my essay and the guy next to me was talking to the girls across from us. He was saying he wants to move to Mexico because the people are friendlier and they don't have the problems we have. I just ignored him, I didn't really care about the conversation. Until he started talking about the ringing noise you get in your ear some time. Apparently it's caused by people tunneling under ground. According to the crazy man on the bus the wealthy people of America have secret passages in their houses that lead to tunnels underneath the whole country. They use these tunnels to destroy people homes and keep their hold on America. Their movement is also the reason people can't sleep at night. What was odd is that he was saying all this without any sense of paranoia in his voice at all. As if it were common knowledge.
I really should have brought my iPod
I sat there trying type my essay and the guy next to me was talking to the girls across from us. He was saying he wants to move to Mexico because the people are friendlier and they don't have the problems we have. I just ignored him, I didn't really care about the conversation. Until he started talking about the ringing noise you get in your ear some time. Apparently it's caused by people tunneling under ground. According to the crazy man on the bus the wealthy people of America have secret passages in their houses that lead to tunnels underneath the whole country. They use these tunnels to destroy people homes and keep their hold on America. Their movement is also the reason people can't sleep at night. What was odd is that he was saying all this without any sense of paranoia in his voice at all. As if it were common knowledge.
I really should have brought my iPod
I do NOT look like a hobo damn it
So I decided I was gonna move out of my house (which didn't happen but that's a story for another blog). this required me to go around Culver City and I would need to learn about the bus root there. I asked the driver and he didn't know but a man on the bus did. I had seen him before and thought he was a normal guy. I thought he might be a hobo due to his full beard but I figured he was a painter due to the paint stains on his pants. He told me all about the bus root but all I really need to know was how much the fare cost. He told me a dollar and our conversation ended. Then he got up, pulled out a huge wad of cash, took out a one and handed it to me. I was very great full, naturally.
After A couple minutes though I realized something. That guy must have thought I was homeless. You don't just randomly give a stranger a dollar if he doesn't need it. I was a tad bit offended and considered giving the man back his dollar but I figured that would just be more rude.
And like instant karma, I was punished for my thoughts. Another man, this one definitely a hobo, got on the bus, He had some kind of vomit or goo in his massive, Santa Claus like beard. And the smell. Oh god the smell. It was like nothing I have ever smelled before, or hope to smell again. It was truly awful, indescribable, and rancid. I literally had to breath with my mouth open. Thankfully he got off before me but it still lingered. the second I walked off I took a big gulp of fresh air. It was the most glorious thing I have ever experienced.
After A couple minutes though I realized something. That guy must have thought I was homeless. You don't just randomly give a stranger a dollar if he doesn't need it. I was a tad bit offended and considered giving the man back his dollar but I figured that would just be more rude.
And like instant karma, I was punished for my thoughts. Another man, this one definitely a hobo, got on the bus, He had some kind of vomit or goo in his massive, Santa Claus like beard. And the smell. Oh god the smell. It was like nothing I have ever smelled before, or hope to smell again. It was truly awful, indescribable, and rancid. I literally had to breath with my mouth open. Thankfully he got off before me but it still lingered. the second I walked off I took a big gulp of fresh air. It was the most glorious thing I have ever experienced.
Why Does a Hobo Need A Super Soaker?
Again, another peaceful, uneventful day on the metro. Or so I thought...
This was possibly the most terrifying thing that has happened to me while riding the bus. There is a regular on the bus, a hobo, who I figured was just a hobo, no different from any of the others, except maybe this hobo didn't have any mental illness. I'm still not sure if he does have a mental illness but what he did that day was very, very strange...
He go on at his usual stop and decided to sit facing me. Now let me give you a little diagram so that you under stand how this works. The seats in the front are set up so the front two rows face each other and look out the window. the second row onward faces the front of the bus so it works like this:
| <--- me
____ <--hobo
I just sat there listening to my iPod, minding my own business when, out of the corner of my eye I could see hoboman rummeging through his stuff. I saw him pull something out, something big. Big enough for me to face looking in the back so that I could see what it was. When I saw it I was struck with a fear like I have never felt before. He was holding, and I kid you not, a super soaker. What, in God's name, does a hobo, need, with a super soaker. Let's add to the fact he's aiming it. AT ME. AND I CAN HEAR LIQUID INSIDE IT. I highly doubt it was water, and if it was I highly doubt it would be clean water. The entire time I sat there hoping he wouldn't pull the trigger. For if he did, one of us would not be getting off that bus alive. Thankfully he got off the bus without squirting me or anyone else. I lived to ride another day.
This was possibly the most terrifying thing that has happened to me while riding the bus. There is a regular on the bus, a hobo, who I figured was just a hobo, no different from any of the others, except maybe this hobo didn't have any mental illness. I'm still not sure if he does have a mental illness but what he did that day was very, very strange...
He go on at his usual stop and decided to sit facing me. Now let me give you a little diagram so that you under stand how this works. The seats in the front are set up so the front two rows face each other and look out the window. the second row onward faces the front of the bus so it works like this:
| <--- me
____ <--hobo
I just sat there listening to my iPod, minding my own business when, out of the corner of my eye I could see hoboman rummeging through his stuff. I saw him pull something out, something big. Big enough for me to face looking in the back so that I could see what it was. When I saw it I was struck with a fear like I have never felt before. He was holding, and I kid you not, a super soaker. What, in God's name, does a hobo, need, with a super soaker. Let's add to the fact he's aiming it. AT ME. AND I CAN HEAR LIQUID INSIDE IT. I highly doubt it was water, and if it was I highly doubt it would be clean water. The entire time I sat there hoping he wouldn't pull the trigger. For if he did, one of us would not be getting off that bus alive. Thankfully he got off the bus without squirting me or anyone else. I lived to ride another day.
That One Time I Thought I was about to get Hijacked
It's only a matter of time until something illegal starts going on on the bus. Well outside of the drug use that is. On this adventure I was quite sure that I wouldn't be getting home any time soon. Granted if that were true it would have made for an even better story but I digress....
This day was different from most of the others. On this day, nothing weird had happened. No stoners, no meth heards, no one crapped their pants, not even a smelly hobo. Don't get me wrong, there were still hobo's but I couldn't smell any of them. The entire ride was peaceful and even boring. Well, almost the whole ride...
We pulled up to the stop right before mine, one more stop and I would have been home free. As we pull up a guy in a hoodie runs on the bus and three guys just happen to be chasing him. No matter what the situation it's never good when people are chasing you. They told the bus driver not to leave, as the police were coming to get the guy, who just happened to sit right across from me. In an almost instant panic mode I thought we were about to be takin hostage. I'm not gonna lie I was kinda hoping for it. It would have made for a grant story if I lived of course. Sadly and boringly the man had just committed and eat and run and got off the bus peacefully.
We'll try again next time.
This day was different from most of the others. On this day, nothing weird had happened. No stoners, no meth heards, no one crapped their pants, not even a smelly hobo. Don't get me wrong, there were still hobo's but I couldn't smell any of them. The entire ride was peaceful and even boring. Well, almost the whole ride...
We pulled up to the stop right before mine, one more stop and I would have been home free. As we pull up a guy in a hoodie runs on the bus and three guys just happen to be chasing him. No matter what the situation it's never good when people are chasing you. They told the bus driver not to leave, as the police were coming to get the guy, who just happened to sit right across from me. In an almost instant panic mode I thought we were about to be takin hostage. I'm not gonna lie I was kinda hoping for it. It would have made for a grant story if I lived of course. Sadly and boringly the man had just committed and eat and run and got off the bus peacefully.
We'll try again next time.
Any Given Thursday
Seriously?!?! What is with Thursdays???? It's like everyone and their mother decides it's time to ride the bus at 6 o'clock. Not a big deal but there are MANY MANY kinds of people. Some of which, I'm not gonna lie, scare me.
I got on with the 10 other people that were riding that day on the already full bus and stood in the middle. I'm not going in the back of the bus damn it. In front of me was a man and a woman and the woman was talking his ear off. No surprise for any woman but I noticed that none of what she said made any sense. At first I even thought she was someones obnoxious kid.I slumped down and sat on the ground, my iPod was dead so I had to find entertainment in the conversations happening around me. I really could only hear the person in front of me who was practically yelling her conversation. What was weird is that at one point she turned around and started yelling at someone in the back of the bus. She then proceeded to get up, go to the back, and start conversing the people back them. But they were stories and sentences that made no sense. It took me a while but I realized the woman must be schizophrenic. Either that or on meth. I later deemed it too be meth because she was so jittery and had those weird facial sores that are usually attributed to meth use.
In my foolishness I believed that people would leave you alone if you sat on the ground out of view. This is probably true for most people but not when a tweeker is involved. She eventually came and sat next to me and started talking to me as if we'd been having a conversation the whole time. I decided to play the "I can't speak" card and just sat and nodded as she rambled about how the spiders where after her. Then, mid sentence she got up, called some guy an earthquake, and went back to the back and started talking to them again.
Weird stuff man....
I got on with the 10 other people that were riding that day on the already full bus and stood in the middle. I'm not going in the back of the bus damn it. In front of me was a man and a woman and the woman was talking his ear off. No surprise for any woman but I noticed that none of what she said made any sense. At first I even thought she was someones obnoxious kid.I slumped down and sat on the ground, my iPod was dead so I had to find entertainment in the conversations happening around me. I really could only hear the person in front of me who was practically yelling her conversation. What was weird is that at one point she turned around and started yelling at someone in the back of the bus. She then proceeded to get up, go to the back, and start conversing the people back them. But they were stories and sentences that made no sense. It took me a while but I realized the woman must be schizophrenic. Either that or on meth. I later deemed it too be meth because she was so jittery and had those weird facial sores that are usually attributed to meth use.
In my foolishness I believed that people would leave you alone if you sat on the ground out of view. This is probably true for most people but not when a tweeker is involved. She eventually came and sat next to me and started talking to me as if we'd been having a conversation the whole time. I decided to play the "I can't speak" card and just sat and nodded as she rambled about how the spiders where after her. Then, mid sentence she got up, called some guy an earthquake, and went back to the back and started talking to them again.
Weird stuff man....
hibbeldy dribbledy
Alright so this time I was waiting for the Metro and noticed some guy just staring at me. It was a bit off putting at first but whatcha gonna do. It took me a while but eventually I figured out that the guy must have been mentally disabled. The fact that he arrived in one of those "special" buses should have been the big tip off. He was with what I think was his sister and their care taker and they kept to themselves. I don't know what was special about this day but the fancy bus decided to pick us up. It's still the Metro 534 but.... nicer. They took my usual spot in the front of the bus but it wasn't angry or put off I just moved to the middle. I dread the back of the bus after the pants shitting indecent.
Now, have you ever had one of those moments when you're trying REALLY REALLY HARD not see something? You look to the left, or the right, up, down, wherever but what keeps catching your eye? Well that's exactly what was happening to me at the moment. The disabled guy was just staring out the window and drooling. I hope I'm not the only one that finds that really gross, and yes I understand the guy is disabled but it's still gross. The worst thing was he was in my center of vision and no matter where I looked I could still see him. Ah well at least he didn't poop himself.
Now, have you ever had one of those moments when you're trying REALLY REALLY HARD not see something? You look to the left, or the right, up, down, wherever but what keeps catching your eye? Well that's exactly what was happening to me at the moment. The disabled guy was just staring out the window and drooling. I hope I'm not the only one that finds that really gross, and yes I understand the guy is disabled but it's still gross. The worst thing was he was in my center of vision and no matter where I looked I could still see him. Ah well at least he didn't poop himself.
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